My sheets look like a crime scene.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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