my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
