I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
