I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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