My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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