if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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