Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
