if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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