And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
