Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
