he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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