Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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