shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Also, beer. Big fan.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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