The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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