Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
