I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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