Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize