she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
