just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
