Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
