first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
