I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
