final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
