My room smells like vodka and shame
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
