in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
