home. puking in laundry basket.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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