My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
