I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
