The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
