my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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