The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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