I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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