Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
