i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Randomize
