I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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