Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
