I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
