8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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