Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
