I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Help. Why am I so naked?
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