He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
