I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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