I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize