Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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