Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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