i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
