Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
