You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize