Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
