ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
