My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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