I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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