I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
