The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
