After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
