Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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