You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
