Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
