just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
