The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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