having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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