I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
