I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
