just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
