you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Randomize
