I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
