Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
