You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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