Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
